Ive decided to start a blog because I have generalised anxiety disorder and post traumatic stress disorder, and I have as of yesterday started therapy to try and 'recover'. I've been told it could take a few years and that it will be a very long process, so I thought it might help myself and other sufferers to keep a 'progress report' of my recovery.
My symptoms started when I was told many things about my past and then I was expected to keep my knowledge a secret from those closest to me. This messed with my head, and affected me in ways that were out of my concious control. The situation was made worse when it was all out in the open and the support I thought I had gained decided I was no longer a high enough priority to keep in touch with me. Since then there is not a day that has gone by when I haven't thought about the person that did this to me and why they have left me when they fought for so long to be in contact with me, but upon reflection I realised that they did it before, years ago, even though they knew I was apparently in trouble back then.I wish they knew just how bad things have got for me but I doubt it would change a thing now.
And so it is time confront the past and then move on, to try and forget what happened and cope with the loss of past relationships that were once so close and dear to me. I didn't realise just how badly I had been affected until I started my therapy and after i shared all with my therapist, she was able to sum it all up and say how and why it had affected me. crying down the phone was rather odd but it did make me realise how I had got to this point and I cant help but feel sorry for myself!
so to start, heres a list of the things I have/ things I can't do because of my disorders.
vertigo
claustaphobia
train journeys
lifts
night clubs
crowds
holidays
music festivals
go further than the next town
and these are the things I cant do without having anxiety attacks
go shopping alone
early shifts at work
sleep in total darkness
sleep in the same room as my partner
watch the news
watch horror/action/ anything threatening films
read a magazine/newspaper
go to the cinema
go to the pub
car journeys
go to gigs
go in busy shops
go to bed (most nights im up until 2am/4am or I dont sleep all night)
so I am affected in some way everyday. my first session with the therapist was to cover my medical history and assess my disorders, as she gave me a couple of coping techniques to help me relax and stop myself having a panic attack. seeing as ive had this about 6yrs now ive had plenty of time to educate myself, I know all about GAD and how panic attacks work. This has helped a bit in that I know I'm not going nuts or going to have heart problems!
my next session is in a week so that'll be when my next post apears :)
